Curiosity Cottage

Our basement had not been thoroughly cleaned in more years than I care to admit and the toy chaos was taking its toll.  I would admonish the kids to “clean up this mess” since it was mostly their stuff, though overwintering geraniums, plant lights, and my husband’s old State tournament baseball jacket added to the mix.  But it was more than a seven and three-year-old could reasonably tackle.  I made a few half-hearted attempts to clean out the whole thing, but never made it past an hour or so before it just seemed too much to tackle.

If you Google clutter, you will quickly find articles like “Clutter and Depression have a strong mindlink” and “Clutter equals stress plain and simple”.   The rest of the house is not too crazy, but the basement and closets – whoa!

A friend tipped me off to the University Job Center where you could post temporary jobs for students looking for extra money for books or beer.  I posted a notice that I needed someone to completely organize our basement, vacuum and mop it all out.  I offered $15 an hour, slightly higher than the average of $12, since the job had zero appeal, at least to me.

 I lucked out when a senior named Taylor, one of a surprising number of students to respond to the ad, emailed that organizing was “her thing”.  She showed up two days later and by the end of four hours, she’d done the impossible, completely cleaning out the basement.  I kept walking down there and turning on the light later that night to make sure it was real;-).

She came back the following week and organized our garage (3 hours) and the kids’ closets (2 hours).  Once there was a sense of order, I was able to get in there and start clearing out and donating games or toys or bric-a-brac we didn’t need.   The tax deductions from all the toys and other items will even help defray the costs.   Thus the toy chaos disappeared as did the nagging stress of knowing I really needed to tackle these areas. 

A much more organized than I am friend said, “But will it stay clean and organized?”  In the month or so since Taylor worked her magic, it has.  Now that there is a system in place and a lot less stuff overall, it’s easier to tidy up.  I don’t expect it will stay this neat forever, but considering it was years in the making, I couldn’t be happier.

So moms and dads stressed out about a garage or basement or closet you just don’t have the heart to tackle, consider a book needing or beer thirsting student who will get some great organizing experience and cash while you gain priceless peace of mind.  Good wishes!  Eileen

My six-year-old Kirk has found the joys of garage sales and thrift stores where fifty cents can buy a new (to him) toy or two books and five dollars can garner a bike or a scooter. That’s good as far as his ability to judge the buying power of money and the incredible difference between buying new and used. He’s also sold on the environmental benefit of shopping the local church sale for his various wants and needs. Recently, he proudly brought home his Earth Day poster from school that proclaimed “BUY USED” with pictures of his various treasures.

But I worry when I see him become more interested in the entertainment value of shopping to the exclusion of other things. Last month we went to a museum and walked through an amazing display of dinosaur artifacts with Kirk asking every few minutes, “Can we go to the gift shop now?” (In full disclosure, I visited my dear friend Emelia in New Mexico a few years back. Later I was talking about our visit to the Georgia O’Keefe museum. She said, “Eileen, don’t you remember the museum was closed and we just visited the gift shop and bought some posters?”–oops!)

In an effort to help Kirk expand his entertainment horizons beyond shopping and the need to bring something home when we go on an outing, I’ve been making a list of nature activities and nature areas that we can visit this summer. Last weekend we biked to a duck marsh. Admittedly Kirk asked several times if we could get home so he could play a computer game on PBS kids, but mostly we enjoyed the warm weather and sunshine.

Hopefully by helping him find value in things that do not involve acquiring yet more material goods, I will reinforce this for myself…though maybe not until after I take a quick pass through that amazing subdivision sale next Saturday morning…..

For the past week, this phrase, “I’ll kill you, Mommy,” has been my three-year-old’s ammunition of choice.  Charming I know….

The first time he used the phrase, I was totally taken aback.  He got an immediate time out, sitting on his bed hollering a second round as I slammed the door (mature, I know).  He definitely pushed my mad button.  I traced the phrase to Clone Wars – an action cartoon that involves “killing” the “bad clones” and put it off bounds – much to my older son’s dismay.

On Monday, I pulled aside his wonderful preschool teacher.  She assured me he wasn’t offering death threats to his toddler friends, nor getting forwarded mail addressed to Assassin in Training.  She went on to tell me that this is a prime age where  kids are learning to control their bodies when angry – no more hitting, biting, kicking.  Instead, toddlers quickly realize that words can be just as powerful as kung fu chops, if not more. 

She reminded me the best course was to stay calm so as not to feed his fascination with Mommy’s mad button and dole out our family’s consequences (time outs) in a non-reactive manner.   Sounds easy, right?  My husband, who takes pretty much everything in stride, was at his own wits end within days as Greek Tragedy suggestions of patricide were added to the matricide threats.  His only suggestion:  sprinkling holy water and hanging garlic.

Off to the grocery  store Wednesday afternoon.  My blonde cherub, his older brother, and I are going down the pet food aisle.  I told my older son he could pick out the dog treats.  That didn’t set well with younger son.  First the scrunched up face and glare that could top Eastwood’s best “Make my day…..” look, then the phrase…..

An older woman stopped in her tracks, clearly aghast.  She looked at my son like he was a monster child and me like I was the bearer of monster children. 

I was mortified, cheeks bright red.   “Well!”  she exclaimed as two eyebrows raised to her hairline.

Kai didn’t like her look either and I could just see he was about to add her to his hit list.

I calmly leaned down and told my son we don’t offer to kill people in the grocery store; it’s not polite.  A time out would be waiting at the end of the outing if it should be offered.  He complacently got back in the cart.  Score one for Mommy.

But the lead is lost again when we return home, tired and cranky.  I’m unpacking groceries, starting dinner, letting the dog out…… 

Kai:  I wan you to get me a Brachiosaurus, Mommy, a real one!

Me:  All the dinosaurs are extinct.  They aren’t around anymore.

Kai:  I wan one….now!

Me:  Kai, there’s no place to buy such a thing, not a real one.

Kai:  Yes you can!!  You can at the green place.  The dark green place.  You can Mommy.  I wan one!!!

You can guess where we went from there.

Taped on the fridge and highlighted from an article, Give Your Kids the Greatest Gift of All, by Joey Dononvan Guido, is the following:

Every time our kids’ share a thought, opinion or feeling with us, it’s a moment filled with potential—the potential to support their voice or undermine it.  If we’re able to listen, we show them respect—acknowledging what they say (and who they are) is important.

This gift is a simple (and as difficult) as taking the time to really listen to what our children have to say.  They might be telling us something that seems completely trivial, insignificant and unimportant.  But to them it’s important.

If we disregard what they’re expressing to us as unimportant (either verbally or non-verbally), what are we really saying to them?  The situation becomes ripe for feelings of rejection and disapproval.

Looking back at the past week, most of Kai’s “moments” came when I was busy, preoccupied and just plain didn’t want to be bothered.  He was clearly seeking attention and got it, albeit in a very negative way.  My takeaway, if I am much more cognizant, more in the moment, and really listen to his normal chatter, much as I like my chatter to be listened to (eye contact, genuine interest), the escalation to hurling words as missiles will be less all around.    

 After a few days of Mom “being the Buddha” when he tried out his arsenal, his phrase seems to have lost its appeal and we haven’t heard it in some time.  But I’m keeping  the sharp knives locked and watching my back…just in case I can’t track down that real, live Brachiosaurus at the dark green place……