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Toy chaos, a University student, and a happy ending…

May 11, 2011 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage

Our basement had not been thoroughly cleaned in more years than I care to admit and the toy chaos was taking its toll.  I would admonish the kids to “clean up this mess” since it was mostly their stuff, though overwintering geraniums, plant lights, and my husband’s old State tournament baseball jacket added to the mix.  But it was more than a seven and three-year-old could reasonably tackle.  I made a few half-hearted attempts to clean out the whole thing, but never made it past an hour or so before it just seemed too much to tackle.

If you Google clutter, you will quickly find articles like “Clutter and Depression have a strong mindlink” and “Clutter equals stress plain and simple”.   The rest of the house is not too crazy, but the basement and closets – whoa!

A friend tipped me off to the University Job Center where you could post temporary jobs for students looking for extra money for books or beer.  I posted a notice that I needed someone to completely organize our basement, vacuum and mop it all out.  I offered $15 an hour, slightly higher than the average of $12, since the job had zero appeal, at least to me.

 I lucked out when a senior named Taylor, one of a surprising number of students to respond to the ad, emailed that organizing was “her thing”.  She showed up two days later and by the end of four hours, she’d done the impossible, completely cleaning out the basement.  I kept walking down there and turning on the light later that night to make sure it was real;-).

She came back the following week and organized our garage (3 hours) and the kids’ closets (2 hours).  Once there was a sense of order, I was able to get in there and start clearing out and donating games or toys or bric-a-brac we didn’t need.   The tax deductions from all the toys and other items will even help defray the costs.   Thus the toy chaos disappeared as did the nagging stress of knowing I really needed to tackle these areas. 

A much more organized than I am friend said, “But will it stay clean and organized?”  In the month or so since Taylor worked her magic, it has.  Now that there is a system in place and a lot less stuff overall, it’s easier to tidy up.  I don’t expect it will stay this neat forever, but considering it was years in the making, I couldn’t be happier.

So moms and dads stressed out about a garage or basement or closet you just don’t have the heart to tackle, consider a book needing or beer thirsting student who will get some great organizing experience and cash while you gain priceless peace of mind.  Good wishes!  Eileen

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No Shopping Outings

May 11, 2011 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage


My six-year-old Kirk has found the joys of garage sales and thrift stores where fifty cents can buy a new (to him) toy or two books and five dollars can garner a bike or a scooter. That’s good as far as his ability to judge the buying power of money and the incredible difference between buying new and used. He’s also sold on the environmental benefit of shopping the local church sale for his various wants and needs. Recently, he proudly brought home his Earth Day poster from school that proclaimed “BUY USED” with pictures of his various treasures.

But I worry when I see him become more interested in the entertainment value of shopping to the exclusion of other things. Last month we went to a museum and walked through an amazing display of dinosaur artifacts with Kirk asking every few minutes, “Can we go to the gift shop now?” (In full disclosure, I visited my dear friend Emelia in New Mexico a few years back. Later I was talking about our visit to the Georgia O’Keefe museum. She said, “Eileen, don’t you remember the museum was closed and we just visited the gift shop and bought some posters?”–oops!)

In an effort to help Kirk expand his entertainment horizons beyond shopping and the need to bring something home when we go on an outing, I’ve been making a list of nature activities and nature areas that we can visit this summer. Last weekend we biked to a duck marsh. Admittedly Kirk asked several times if we could get home so he could play a computer game on PBS kids, but mostly we enjoyed the warm weather and sunshine.

Hopefully by helping him find value in things that do not involve acquiring yet more material goods, I will reinforce this for myself…though maybe not until after I take a quick pass through that amazing subdivision sale next Saturday morning…..

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Word Missile Attacks From a Three-Year-Old – And Being the Buddha Mommy

May 11, 2011 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage

 

For the past week, this phrase, “I’ll kill you, Mommy,” has been my three-year-old’s ammunition of choice.  Charming I know….

The first time he used the phrase, I was totally taken aback.  He got an immediate time out, sitting on his bed hollering a second round as I slammed the door (mature, I know).  He definitely pushed my mad button.  I traced the phrase to Clone Wars – an action cartoon that involves “killing” the “bad clones” and put it off bounds – much to my older son’s dismay.

On Monday, I pulled aside his wonderful preschool teacher.  She assured me he wasn’t offering death threats to his toddler friends, nor getting forwarded mail addressed to Assassin in Training.  She went on to tell me that this is a prime age where  kids are learning to control their bodies when angry – no more hitting, biting, kicking.  Instead, toddlers quickly realize that words can be just as powerful as kung fu chops, if not more. 

She reminded me the best course was to stay calm so as not to feed his fascination with Mommy’s mad button and dole out our family’s consequences (time outs) in a non-reactive manner.   Sounds easy, right?  My husband, who takes pretty much everything in stride, was at his own wits end within days as Greek Tragedy suggestions of patricide were added to the matricide threats.  His only suggestion:  sprinkling holy water and hanging garlic.

Off to the grocery  store Wednesday afternoon.  My blonde cherub, his older brother, and I are going down the pet food aisle.  I told my older son he could pick out the dog treats.  That didn’t set well with younger son.  First the scrunched up face and glare that could top Eastwood’s best “Make my day…..” look, then the phrase…..

An older woman stopped in her tracks, clearly aghast.  She looked at my son like he was a monster child and me like I was the bearer of monster children. 

I was mortified, cheeks bright red.   “Well!”  she exclaimed as two eyebrows raised to her hairline.

Kai didn’t like her look either and I could just see he was about to add her to his hit list.

I calmly leaned down and told my son we don’t offer to kill people in the grocery store; it’s not polite.  A time out would be waiting at the end of the outing if it should be offered.  He complacently got back in the cart.  Score one for Mommy.

But the lead is lost again when we return home, tired and cranky.  I’m unpacking groceries, starting dinner, letting the dog out…… 

Kai:  I wan you to get me a Brachiosaurus, Mommy, a real one!

Me:  All the dinosaurs are extinct.  They aren’t around anymore.

Kai:  I wan one….now!

Me:  Kai, there’s no place to buy such a thing, not a real one.

Kai:  Yes you can!!  You can at the green place.  The dark green place.  You can Mommy.  I wan one!!!

You can guess where we went from there.

Taped on the fridge and highlighted from an article, Give Your Kids the Greatest Gift of All, by Joey Dononvan Guido, is the following:

Every time our kids’ share a thought, opinion or feeling with us, it’s a moment filled with potential—the potential to support their voice or undermine it.  If we’re able to listen, we show them respect—acknowledging what they say (and who they are) is important.

This gift is a simple (and as difficult) as taking the time to really listen to what our children have to say.  They might be telling us something that seems completely trivial, insignificant and unimportant.  But to them it’s important.

If we disregard what they’re expressing to us as unimportant (either verbally or non-verbally), what are we really saying to them?  The situation becomes ripe for feelings of rejection and disapproval.

Looking back at the past week, most of Kai’s “moments” came when I was busy, preoccupied and just plain didn’t want to be bothered.  He was clearly seeking attention and got it, albeit in a very negative way.  My takeaway, if I am much more cognizant, more in the moment, and really listen to his normal chatter, much as I like my chatter to be listened to (eye contact, genuine interest), the escalation to hurling words as missiles will be less all around.    

 After a few days of Mom “being the Buddha” when he tried out his arsenal, his phrase seems to have lost its appeal and we haven’t heard it in some time.  But I’m keeping  the sharp knives locked and watching my back…just in case I can’t track down that real, live Brachiosaurus at the dark green place……

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Reading at age three – GeoSafari

May 11, 2011 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage

Kai is going to turn four at the end of June and is becoming a pretty good reader of three-letter words.  A little less than a year ago, I started doing a reading and math review each night with Kirk, mostly games and a workbook or two.  We would spend about twenty minutes doing this before or after dinner.  Kai soon demanded his own math and reading time, so I would review letters or numbers, but was kind of bored to be honest.  Kirk at six, now seven, was able to grasp complex ideas and was/is a lot of fun to “work” with. Kai, at age three, had a very short attention span and mostly wanted to be entertained.

But after a few months of random letter and number games, Kai could actually read forty or so three-letter words.  The GeoSafari game is one of his favorites.  He quickly learned to match words with pictures on various cards and loves the feeling of success in getting it right.   It’s an easy game for him to play on his own, so I usually leave it sitting out in the living room where he’ll wander over and play a few rounds. 

We worked with the Hooked on Phonics kit prior to this and that seemed to help a lot.  The focus is on the sounds letters make.  So if Kai was stuck looking at the word “dog”, I would just say,  “What is the first SOUND in the word?  What SOUND comes next?  What’s the last SOUND?”  That change from our old way of working, i.e. what letter does it start with, was a big jump for Kai.  It was too much information to say, “What letter is first?  D.  Okay, what does the D say?  What letter is next?  O.  What does the O say?”  By the time we got to the end of a word that way, he would call out some random guess like map or net.  By focusing only on the sounds, he could quickly sound out words. 

 A great thing about the GeoSafari is you can buy cards at all different levels.   Kirk will use cards that show maps or minerals for the science cards, while Kai works on simple words or colors or patterns.   As with all the games, the kids do get bored after a few weeks and the GeoSafari with all its various card sets is tucked away in the basement when this happens to reappear in a few weeks time.

This is one of the best learning system games we have.  We do get a lot of use out of it.  Good wishes!  Eileen

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Improve your child’s reading and math while you nap….

May 11, 2011 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage

Just kidding about the napping, unless you happen to have a full-time nanny.  But while you cook dinner, read the newspaper, or mop the kitchen floor, your child can be learning or reinforcing math and reading skills if you put out a “buffet” of learning toys and games while you work.

I read somewhere that if you only put out healthy foods, that is what your child will learn to like.  I won’t claim chips and ice cream bars never make it through the front door, but I’ve applied the theory to good effect with games and toys.  Awash in a sea of toys describes most kids, including my own.  So I’ve really made an effort to choose only ones that do dual work.  In addition to the usual block sets, train sets,  light sabers and action figures, most of the games and toys we have work on either math or reading.  

Like any toys, I need to rotate them or the kids get bored.  Studies show the average attention span is 3 to 5 minutes per year of a child’s age.  And that seems about right.  My three-year-old will stay with one game or puzzle about five or six minutes, then be ready to move onto something different.  That’s where the “buffet” idea comes in.  He may leave the letter finding game and move onto a counting game, then move on to a dinosaur game. 

This doesn’t take the place of one-on-one interaction with mom and dad, but it does reinforce basic skills that help with school.  And since these items are set around the house, the kids are free to pick up or ignore any of the games.  Then every few weeks, all the games sitting about in the family room, living room, or bedrooms are whisked away and replaced with “new” old ones brought up from the basement. 

Most of the games I bought at garage sales or school sales or thrift stores for a dollar or two at most, so it’s been easy to amass a good size collection to work with.   If a game doesn’t hold their interest, I usually donate it within a few weeks. 

So, with summer coming, if you’re wondering how to fill some of those hours, consider stocking up learning games.  Keep two-thirds in a big tub in the basement, attic, or closet, set out five or six around the house, and your kids will likely amble on over and pass some time reinforcing basic skills.  And while you may not get to nap, you could very well have time to peruse the five back issues of Organic Gardening lost in your mail pile.  Good wishes!  Eileen

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Can you read 90 stories a month to your child? The value of reading aloud to help your child become a great reader.

November 19, 2010 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage

This U.S. Department of Education analysis found that children who were read to at least three times a week by a family member were almost twice as likely to score in the top 25% in reading than children who were read to less than three times a week.  Just like physical exercise, there are cumulative benefits when you do something regularly.

The average kindergarten student has seen more than 5,000 hours of television, having spent more time in front of the TV than it takes to earn a bachelor’s degree.

The two excerpts above come from an article written by Terry Doherty in Literacy Connections.    Along the same lines,  according to Mem Fox, author of Reading Magic, “If parents understood the huge educational benefit and intense happiness brought about by reading aloud to their children, and if every parent—and every adult caring for a child—read aloud a minimum of three stories a day to the children in their lives, we could probably wipe out illiteracy within one generation.”

Clearly there is enormous value in reading aloud to your children and three stories a day is a nice number to shoot at.  But how do you get in three stories a day and still have time to work, make meals, pay bills, do laundry, get the dog to the vet,  pick up the dry cleaning, etc. 

Here are a few ideas we use to meet or exceed that goal daily.  First is the magic of book tapes.  We don’t leave home without them.  Like most moms (and many dads) I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in my mini-van.   I’ve learned book tapes, with their wonderful “professional” voices, music and sound effects bring stories alive in a way I can’t.  And when the kids are slightly cranky driving home from our grocery shopping outing and sparring is likely to break out any minute if everyone’s attention isn’t positively directed, I reach into my bag of tricks and pull out Humpty Dumpty or Sleeping Beauty or The Grasslands of Africa.  Peace reigns, the kids enjoy the story and are reinforcing vocabulary, comprehension and other reading skills.

Most of the stories are ten minutes or less, so that’s easy to fit into a short run during the day and you can chalk up story number one to your three a day goal.

At dinner, each night we read several  poems.  Despite being an English Major as an undergraduate, I never “got” poetry, nor liked it.  It seemed to me poets took an idea and turned it into a convoluted, confusing  mess that the reader then had to spend a lot of time trying to decipher – an inefficient communication method at best.  I’m happy to say  I’ve come a ways and now see poetry as a form of literary art, rich with alliteration, onomatopoeia, symbolism, irony, metaphor and simile.  The rhyme, rhythm and verbal pictures of poetry are fun, funny, and make excellent “stories”.

Currently, next to the candle and Amaryllis bulb on the kitchen table are two books of poetry, one titled “Bear Poems” and the other “Poetry of the Australian Outback”.  They are written for kids and while some of the humor is over Kai’s head (he is three), he enjoys the illustrations.  Kirk at six is starting to get the humor, which is quite clever, in both of these books of poetry.  And Kai is starting to learn to concept of rhyme.   Think, “Run, run, as fast as you can,
You can’t catch me, I’m the gingerbread ____.”

A poem or several can be read in just a few minutes, you can talk about the imagery or humor in another minute or so and in three minutes, you can chalk up story number two.

Then, of course, comes bedtime stories, beloved by children and parents world-wide.  There is something magical about being in comfy pajamas, snuggled in a warm bed, being transported to the land of knights and castles or magic pumpkins or flying pastry chefs.  I usually set out three stories for Kai and let him choose the order.

Then Kai drifts off to sleep in his blue racecar bed and Kirk and I start reading his stories.  We usually choose a longer book and read one chapter a night.  Reading something more complex with more difficult vocabulary than he could easily read at this point, prepares him for reading at that level in the future and allows us to explore a lot of new ideas.  He also sits in when Kai has his stories (unless/until the two brothers start being more interesting in footsie fights or arguing over who has more pillows).  Kirk enjoys these much simpler stories just as much as our chapter books.  In addition, Kirk and I started reading two pages each night from a book of knock-knock jokes, which he finds endlessly entertaining.   I think these may also be helpful for his pronunciation.  He was in speech class in kindergarten and still doesn’t speak very clearly.  Sometimes the jokes help him get the importance of clear enunciation.

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there.

Gorilla.

Gorilla who?

Gorilla cheese sandwiches are my favorite.

Kirk will laugh and say, “He meant grilled not gorilla!” and in pointing out the difference,  clearly distinguishes the sounds of the two words.

So if you want to go for Mem Fox’s gold standard at 90 stories a month,  consider book tapes in the car, poetry at supper (or breakfast or lunch) and at least one story at bedtime and  you’re there.  Good wishes!  Eileen

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Helping your child learn to concentrate and focus.

November 11, 2010 by Eileen Schnabel for Curiosity Cottage

“Kirk,  can we focus here for a minute?”

“Kirk, I need you to pay attention here please.”

“Kirk, if you would just concentrate, we’d get through this a lot sooner.”

I have to smile as I type those lines which come too frequently to my lips.  Kirk actually can focus pretty well, but is also a six-year-old boy with a tendency to be distracted from one topic or project to another. 

The ability to concentrate and focus for periods of time is closely linked to academic achievement in traditional schools.  So I’ve been asking myself how I can help him further develop this skill.

“Ask and you shall find an answer.”;-)  Not two days later, my mom sent me a clipping from the Chicago Sun Times entitled “Kids in the kitchen are worth the trouble – Hands-on cooking at an early age can help foster mental, social skills. (Oct. 27, 2010).   It was a helpful article and one part was under the heading “Simplicity”.

“Children accustomed to blinking, beeping toys and rapidly changing screen images may become so wired by this overstimulation that without it, they become bored.  The slower pace of kitchen conversation and cooking tasks can be an important antidote, especially when you’re willing to go at a child’s pace.

Young children tend to balk when they’re hurried.  They show us stubbornly and often loudly, that nothing is more important to them than the here and now.  So whenever possible, simplify so you can make your time together in the kitchen enjoyable.”

I read that while a box from the local take-out pizza place was resting in the garage recycle bin and the McDonald’s bags from my husband’s double trips there in three days to get dinner for the kids while I was working were stuffed in the garbage compactor.;-)  Definitely something to think about.

Meanwhile, I had set a goal for myself to finally paint a flower picture.  I’ve gardened for years and always dreamed of taking up a paint brush and recreating some beautiful flower scene and finally this year ordered a paint by number kit.  I had it set up on the kitchen table when Kirk got home from school and he was mesmerized. 

I offered to get him a kit too – about $3.50 at Hobby Lobby, and we spent a long evening at the table working on our “art”.  As we were working, I realized how focused we both were and the calmness that attended the event, at least between in the moments between one paint jar spilling to the floor and Kirk taking his paint streaked hands with him for a brief rest on the white living room sofa.

But I’m sold on the concept of focused, quiet activities.  There will be future paint kits and at least a  few night a week in which the kids actually help prepare dinner – in a slow, relaxed manner – maybe we’ll put on some jazz music to help set the pace. 

Any other ideas out there for calming, focusing activities?  They are probably as beneficial to me as the kids;-)

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